Darth Nihilus
2.02 meters |hair=Orc dreads |eyes=Goggle eyes, No, not glasses later became black holes |cyber=None |era=Sometime during teh 2nd B3st G@m3 3v3r! |affiliation=*The Elder Weirdos *RastafariansCheck the f**king figure for the dreads… *Sith *Sith Triumvirate |masters=KreiaAs ashamed of it as he is… |apprentices=Visas Marr }} Darth Nihilus was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord with a severe speech impediment and a tendency towards necrophilia. Little is known of his early life as no galactic historians were able to decipher anything he said past "Mumbogooorroshkeee", which could be roughly translated to "Destroy your planet". What is known is that he was a goggle-eyed weirdo, and that he became Human when one of the baddest muthafuckas in the galaxy, Revan, PWNed the Mandalorians near a smelly Sithy planet. Nihilus became the apprentice to Kreia the Hag, and he eventually betrayed her along with a zombie and threw her out of their Sith club, citing, "NO GIRLZ ALOWED!!! LOLZ!!!" It is another proven fact that he and the zombie had something of a bromance, like House and Wilson or Starsky and Hutch. On one of Nihilus' dope binges, he killed a bunch of old Jedi and took a blind chick named Visas Marr as his apprentice, housemaid, and 'ho. She eventually betrayed when she fell in love with a human female hardcore lesbian known only as the Jedi Exile. They teamed up with another of the baddest muthafuckas in the galaxy, Mandalore the Preserver of all things F&^king Awesome!!!, and PWNed Nihilus. A short later, the Exile PWNed Nihilus' zombie bro and smelly former Hag Master, bringing an end to their little club. Early life Before he became a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, Darth Nihilus was a goggle-eyed freak affiliated with the Elder tribe who lived in the Bahamas. Because he was a Rastafarian,Check the damn figure he smoked a lot of dope. More than Cheech and Chong. That's a true fact. Anyway, one day, he accidently crippled one of the Elder's wives, causing the Elder weirdos to climb the Temple of Ancients near their enclave, find a starship and kick him off world. Not knowing where to go, he hoped to score some more dope, since he was not allowed to take any of his possessions with him. Exile and transformation During his exile, some snot-nosed punk told Nihilus on Taris that he could score some awesome dope on the weird green-rock Sith planet Malachor V. However, he found Malachor V when the badass violet lightsaber-wielding Jedi Revan—who stole Samuel L. Jackson's... err... Mace Windu's saber from his trailer—John Jackson Miller said so!!! successfully PWNed some old, smelly Mandalorian and his gang of punks. Nihilus' future nemesis, the hardcore lesbian Human female known as the Jedi Exile, got the order from Revan to activate a PWNage machine, killing a lot of his allies and the Mandalorian gang of punks. Nihilus was caught in the blast, which somehow distorted his voice and changed his species to Human, and his ship crashed on the freaky planet. On Malachor V, Nihilus discovered that the snot-nosed punk lied to him about the planet having dope, but he found that he could get high off of dark side energy. A Sith witch known as Kreia, or the Hag, beat the crap out of Nihilus, and promised to teach him how to get high by killing hordes of people at a time. The Hag didn't understand why Nihilus cared nothing for Sith teachings, little did she know he was a Rastafarian. She would often catch him smoking dope in between her boring-ass lectures. Soon, Nihilus and the zombie Sith Darth Sion turned on the Hag, stripped her from the Force—and, we regret to say, her robes—and banished her from their little Sith club. Dark Lord of the Sith He traveled to the Miraluka world Katarr, where he got high by killing a bunch of Jedi and everyone else except for a hot white chick named Visas Marr. He promised to spare her life provided she clean his ship, called the Ravages of Time. Nihilus also, uhh, lent Marr out to his cronies for, uhh, special purposes. She eventually betrayed him when she fell in love with the Jedi Exile after he sent Marr to ask the Exile where he could score some dope… for sentimental reasons, of course. Death... and resurrection? The two lovers, along with the kewwlest Mandie ever, Mandalore the Preserver-Of-All-Things-F*^king-Awesome!!!, eventually boarded the Ravages of Time. Nihilus demanded that the Exile pay him for Marr's, ahem, services, but the Exile got mad at this, and PWNed Nihilus. After the battle, the Exile asked Marr to give her Nihilus' mask for a nice memento on her ship. After the former ho' took off his mask, he somehow disappeared in a red poof. About four millennia later, a holocron of his resurfaced in the smelly Sith Mega-Super-Overlord Darth Krayt's hands; Nihilus attempted to advise Krayt, but Krayt couldn't understand his weirdo language. Nihilus at some point was Frozen in Plastic.Like I said, check the f**king figure!!! Personality and traits Nihilus was a weird weirdo, which was not unusual for their species. Unlike his species, he had a preference for marijuana. He was a Rastafarian, so he felt it was his duty to smoke as much weed as he could. He hurt so bad for it, he was driven to have relations with a Elder weirdo's wife to get some! Anyway, he was willing to do anything for dope, even get smart-mouthed by Mission Vao, whom Revan would refer to someday as a snot-nosed punk and an urchin. When the Exile ordered her pawn Bao-Dur to activate the devastating PWNage machine, he became human, though he still retained his weirdo dread-locked hair. He hated The Hag, but since she offered to teach him how to get high by PWNing with the Force, he had no choice. NO CHOICE!!! He still managed to find the occasional puff, provided by his Zombie BFF. After he and Zombie nearly PWNed The Hag, they went their separate ways, since he needed more dope, and Zombie aspired to be like Darth Maul. He was not opposed to prostitution, when he saved Visas Marr, he lent her out to his zombie buddy when he visited Nihilus, for old time's sake. He got mad when the Exile wouldn't pay him for Marr's services. Nihilus was also a pig, leaving ashes and his funky robes around, which he didn't need to wear. He also kept spare masks around, he got his original mask from a drug dealer's skull. That dealer gave him some bad dope. He built a holocron that advised people who could understand his weirdo language some cool ways to get high off the Force, and how to properly smoke a joint. However, no one could understand his language, except for He-who-must-be-obeyedHe's God, for God's sakes and Revan.He ripped weirdo language from the Weirdo's skulls!!! Powers and abilities Darth Nihius used a ultra-kewwl lightsaber, which had a red crystal. The saber was not as kewwl as Revan's however. He fought kinda like Revan's whiny apprentice, the great cry-baby Malak. He used a weird Force power that looked like a orange string which came from his hand and connected to a being, draining their life and making them look all gray. He also used Force choke, which he used primarily to put Marr back in her place. He also used Force lightning, like The Hag's equally-smelly hubbo Palpatine, although he wasn't as happy with it as Palps was. Notes and references See also * Conversation of Darth Nihilus and Keith Richards * Darth "Dog" Nihilus Category:Males Category:Rakata Category:Rastafarians Category:Sith Mega-Super-Overlords Category:Reasons planets are destroyed Category:Reasons you are an asshole Category:Killing machines Category:Butchers Category:Heads of the Sith Academy Category:Monsters Category:Scary things Category:Planet destruction teams Category:Ghosts Category:Members of the Intergalactic Guild of Evil Bakers Category:Darthipedians who will destroy your planet Category:Words of Doom Category:Galactic rulers Category:Forms of torture Category:Ways to die Category:Deities Category:Suicidal people Category:Superweapons Category:Military organizations Category:Darth organizations Category:Individuals who eat planets Category:Articles of Eviltude Category:Overall eviltude Category:Darthipedia Featured Sithspawn Category:Things that make things go boom Category:Things that PWN big time Category:Things that will Destroy Your Planet Category:Things that go fast Category:Awesome people Category:Coolest individual ever Category:POWAH Category:Forms of suicide Category:Cannibals Category:Katarnimania Category:Ultimate Holy Wrath of Kyle Katarn Category:Dead people